On hurting...

What hurts most is to stay close to the person you desire most even if you know that that person does not feel the same for you. You feel each moment and every minute you stay with that person is cherished in your memories. Every smile on that person’s face is captured in a snap shot and is stored in the memory banks of your brain. But, still you know that you can never have her. She will forever be someone whom you can not totally grasp, you can not own, you can not have. And each day you still hope. You still believe that that time will come when she will be yours, even though that day will never come to pass. You manage to survive each day, because of the existence of that hope. And you smile, and you laugh, and you walk and talk as if nothing in the world can break you. Deep inside you are broken. You are bent and you can’t stand straight because you’ve eaten your pride and this same pride is reduced into halves because of the things you do for the person. And the worse thing is that she does not know you feel this. She only knows that the feeling is there. But, she does not know the extent of the sacrifice you do. She does not know the extent of your hurt as you hear others tease her to people she likes. You can’t help wondering what she feels for these persons. And you become bitter. It’s like staying close to burning wood, too close that you can feel your skin scorching and burning but you stay anyway because you are enthralled with the beauty of the fire. And you are broken. It can not be repaired. Your only solace is when she gives you that time you so need. When she jokes with you even though those jokes are pointed towards you, you accept because you hunger for the time. You hunger for the moments, the moments wherein you can cherish, you can remember. You can hope that time never moves on, hope that you can catch time sleeping while it runs its never ending marathon of forever. But, one way or the other the moment ends. And you continue. You move on because she will never be yours. And this is what hurts most.