Last Letter

im spent. pretty weird trying to conversate through a blog. but, i know i have to do this. im spent. im at my end. i know ive done too many stupid things in the past. but, this time ive outdone myself. i flattered myself too much, thought too highly of myself. but now, i really do get it. now i know that all you can really think of me is as a friend. and by now, its already fine. ive grown numb to that fact.

but, i cant stand to be this way anymore. i need to walk away. because today ive broken my already broken self because of thinking too highly. thinking i was that person. and i cant afford to feel this way. not in this part of my life. im now officially walking away. dont get me wrong. im not blaming you for anything because it was i who made the mistake. you were never to blame for all of this. youve always asked for friendship, and ive always asked for more. that was my mistake.

now, i want to ask you a favor. please help me in this ok? help me walk away. and the only way you can help me is not to contact me anymore. i know you can try that. its just a little thing. i dont want any text messages from now on. even those silly little quotes you always do send. because every time i read your name in my phone, it makes me think of some things that i hope would happen but never will. it makes me hope. it makes me think too highly of myself. and thats whats allowing all this to happen. no, once again im not blaming you for anything. because a friend has the right to contact another friend, right? but, please, help me get rid of that temptation, to hope, to think too highly. its easy. i know it is.

but theres one thing i would like you to remember though. that i would always care for you. id always cherish those memories even though the value that each of us give to those memories are a bit different. i really do am hoping that we will live a happy life. one that both of us can be satisfied of. but in order for us to do that we must really do live our lives. i know that youre already doing that in your own way. and i would also start from now on. i hope everything in your life will turn out for the best. i sincerely do hope for that. and i also hope the same goes for my life as well.

im officialy walking away. end of this blog site. :)

A Long Time Coming

Whoa. Blogging again after a very long time. Its been a year and nothing much has happened. Finally, I graduated last October. We finished our thesis and passed the defense. Experienced Christmas without thinking of any academic things. Learned to drive. Got a driver's license. Got a car. Went to Manila to find work. Failed in the attempt. Met with some long lost family members in Manila. Experienced some fun and wicked stuff there. All in all, it was fun and had a blast. Now, here in Davao. Feeling like a bum because I am a bum. Trying to find work here but no sense of purpose just yet. Need to feel pressured but feeling just specks of it not the full thing. Got the nagging feeling that I will turn out to be a nobody.

Feeling that my mind has become mush. Forgot some programming concepts. Wanting to learn again because I really do love programming. I'm made for it even though no company's biting just yet. Thinking of doing other things for the mean time. Like writing or business. Got a programming project but I still don't have the guts to tackle it. Maybe that's just the problem. Having no guts. I need to become more aggressive about all this. If I need to make a name for myself I need to make something out of this nothing I'm having right now. But, once again I'm thinking that my mind has melted. I'm always thinking of the wrong things. I don't seem to get into the mood about anything. I'm always pushing things for tomorrow even though I know that I can do those stuff today. It's one big cliche rolled into one. I'm stuck and I know it and I'm not swimming away. I'm not moving. Everyone's moving past me. And I'm not caring.

Need to get my act straight. My life is in slow mo right now. Even though its moving way too fast. I need to get out of this hell hole and I need to act now.